THE KELTY CLIPPIE
John Watt

I've traivelled thru' this country from shore to shining shore
From the swamps of Auchterderran tae the jungles o' Lochore
But in all these far-flung places there's nane that can compare
Wi' the lily of Lumphinnans, she's ma bonnie Maggie Blair

Chorus
She's just a Kelty clippie, she'll no tak' nae advice
It's, Ach drap deid or Ah'll bile yer heid or Ah'll punch yer ticket twice
Her faither's jist a waster, her mither's oan the game
She's just a Kelty clippie but I love her just the same

Frae the pyramids up in Kelty tae the mansions in Glencraig
We've trod the bings together in mony's the blyth stravaig
Watched the moonlight over Crosshill, trod Buckhaven's golden sand
And mony's the happy hoor we spent in Lochgelly's Happy Land

I remember on the 8.15 that night o' romantic bliss
I says, Ho Mag, nip yer fag, gie's a wee bit kiss
She didnae tak' this kindly, didnae like ma chaff
Being a contrary kind of bird she said, Come oan, get aff

She hasnae got nae culture, she drives me roon' the bend
Sittin' in her big armchair readin' the People's Friend
Her lapels are full of badges frae Butlins down at Ayr
And she goes to the bingo every night with the curlers in her hair

But things is a wee bit better noo, I've gone and got the ring
I won it frae Jim at the pitch an' toss, last night at the Lindsay Bing
Wi' her wee black hat and her ticket machine ma hairt she did ensnare
She's the lily of Lumphinnans, she's ma bonnie Maggie Blair

Footnote: Fife singer, songwriter and entertainer John Watt, The Muchty Megastar, is a totally unique character, best summed up by the guid Scots word kenspeckle. For half-a-century John has been a stalwart of the Scottish, and in particular the Fife, folk scene. In the early days of the Scottish Folk Revival he founded the Howff Folk Club in Dunfermline and his songs such as The Kelty Clippie and Pittenweem Jo has travelled world-wide. John is still a major figure at the Auchtermuchty Folk Festival and as he showed at the recent Milnathort Crackin’ Ceilidh Weekend, he is still to the fore in entertaining fashion. The Kelty Clippie was inspired by bus travel in the 1950s and although bus conductresses are now relegated to history, they live on in this amusing song!