YE CANNA PUT IT ON TAE SANDY
Willie Kemp as sung by Jimmy McBeath 

Now if ye see a funny lookin’ chap
Some folks thinks I dinna gie a rap
Some folks thinks they’re awfie clever
But they’ve mair need o’ their mither
The other day a man come up tae me an’ said
“Man ye’ve a fine reid heid”
I says “Well ye ha’ nae muckle hair yersel
Wad ye like some o’ mine for seed”

Oh I’m nae sae green as I may seem
Dae ye think I’m soft as candy
Poke yer fun at another silly gun
For ye canna put it on tae Sandy 

Aince at the theatre I never was before
I saw act one an’ I headed for the door
The doorman says “Hang on man Sandy
Wait the second act man its dandy”
But on the programme which I had
This is what I read
A year will elapse between the acts
So I turned to him and says

Oh I’m nae sae green as I may seem
Dae ye think I’m soft as candy
Me sit here for a hale bloody year
Oh no ye cannae put it on tae Sandy

Aince at a fairm I was lookin’ at some ducks
Along came a toff wi’ a gun and knickerbocks
He said tae me “For one shot Sandy
At these ducks here’s a pound that’s handy”
I said all right as I put it in my pouch
The shot killed twenty one
He said “You’ll be sorry I’ve killed so many”
I said “No I’ve enjoyed the fun”

Oh I’m nae sae green as I may seem
Dae ye think I’m soft as candy
Tak up yer aim an’ fire awa again
For they dinnae belong tae Sandy

Noo like other silly micks I’ve got a wife
We live happily and never have a strife
But weel I ken that my wife Bella
Gangs and courts wi’ another fella
But I’m no an evil minded chap
I ken the game they play
Just the other night I caught them oot richt
An’ then I had tae say

Oh I’m nae sae green as I may seem
Dae ye think I’m soft as candy
When ye’re awa fae hame wi’ yer wife I dae the same
Oh ye cannae pit it on tae Sandy

Flagnote:  Willie Kemp (1888-1965) was known as ‘The King o the Cornkisters’ and was born in his father’s hotel at Oldmeldrum, Aberdeenshire. Willie and his sister Agnes inherited the hotel on their father’s death and for a number of years Willie ran Kemp’s Hotel with his sister’s husband George S Morris, another well known bothy-ballad singer and cornkister composer. Willie performed from an early age n the family hotel and became a regular favourite on the wireless after the BBC opened a studio in Belmont Street, Aberdeen, in 1923. He was ‘discovered’ on air by Beltona records and made over 100 recordings for the company. My Granda was a great Willie Kemp fan and had many of his Beltona records – unfortunately they got thrown out when my grandparents bought a modern record player! This song is the party piece of the well-known BBC Radio Scotland presenter and entertainer Robbie Shepherd.