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This is a time for national pride and this week we are giving ourselves a pat on the back, by depicting a day in the life of an Englishman. He rises in the morning and has a typical English breakfast of toast and marmalade (invented by Mrs Keiller of Dundee). He slips on his national costume, a soiled raincoat (patented by Charles Macintosh, a Glasgow chemist) and walks over the Kirkcaldy linoleum in his hall out into an English lane (surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr). He climbs aboard an English bus (which runs on pneumatic tyres invented by John Dunlop of Dreghorn), and on the way to the station he lights an English cigarette (first manufactured by Robert Gloag of Perth). The English train which takes him up to Town works on a principle devised by James Watt of Greenock.
In the evening, his wife is preparing his national dish - the roast beef of Old England (Buchan beef). He feels very patriotic, and whistle "Ye Mariners of England" (by Thomas Campbell of Glasgow) for roast beef is one of the revered institutions (like the Crown which has rested on a Scottish head since 1603). After dinner there follows a scene of typical English domestic bliss. Young Albert goes off to the Boys Brigade (founded by Sir William Smith in Glasgow). Young Ted goes out to the Scouts (the present Chief Scout is Sir Hector McLean of Duart) while little Ethel plays on her bicycle (invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, a Dumfriesshire blacksmith). Mum is in the kitchen steeping the wash in bleach (a Scottish invention) while Dad watches Television (invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburgh). After the kids come home Dad supervises the homework. The maths jotters will be full of logarithms (invented by John Napier of Edinburgh). The English course is stuffed with books like "Treasure Island" (Robert Louis Stevenson) and Robinson Crusoe (based on the life of Alexander Selkirk of Largo). He may even discover that the Flower of English Chivalry, King Arthur, was a Scotsman, as were all his knights, and the English history book will dwell on political economy (fathered by Adam Smith of Glasgow). To get away from the Scots, Dad will pick up the Bible, but the first name is that of a Scot (James VI, who authorised the translation). If he takes to drink, we supply the best in the world. If he tries to put his head in the oven, coal gas was discovered by William Murdoch of Ayrshire. So he takes a breech loading rifle and tries to blow his brains out (the breech loading was invented by a Scot). Anyway, if he survives they’ll put him on a table and pump him full of penicillin (discovered by Sir Andrew Fleming of Darvel) give him an anaesthetic (by courtesy of Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate) and perform an operation (antiseptic surgery was pioneered at Glasgow Infirmary). The first thing he would hear on awakening would be the voice of the Scottish surgeon telling him he was as safe as the Bank of England (founded by William Paterson of Dumfries).
His only hope is that he would receive a few
pints of good Scots blood and thus claim kinship with the race, or else emigrate
and join them. The Working Life of Linda Fabiani MSP
SYNOPSIS While not a lot of attention is given to the political process at this season of the year, we try to keep you informed . Monday 25th December SNP Leader Alex Salmond MP today made his annual Christmas address and has set out his ambitions to create a more prosperous and peaceful Scotland, with our nation committed to peace keeping not war-making and Scottish troops no longer involved in illegal wars. Mr Salmond also pledged that an SNP led Scottish Executive would look to share Scotland's growing wealth by increasing our overseas aid budget. Mr Salmond said:
"I want to see a country that is more successful, building on the twin themes of peace and prosperity for all of Scotland. "Peace in the sense of getting our troops out of that blood soaked quagmire in Iraq, but also making a pledge that when we are responsible for our own armed forces that Scotland will never send troops into an illegal war. What our troops will be doing is peace keeping, not war making. "Within the first term of an SNP led government we will look to share Scotland's growing success and prosperity with a 100% increase in the Executive's international aid budget. "And we will work with Scotland 's aid agencies to make sure this increased support goes direct to help hard-pressed communities across the world in their efforts to escape poverty. "The SNP wants to see greater prosperity for Scotland . Looking around Scotland today we know our nation can be fairer, safer and wealthier with the benefits felt by families and communities in all parts of our nation. "I recently visited Norway which is now the second most prosperous country in the world. Why, because it has taken control of its own oil and gas resources and used that to fuel one of the most successful economies on the planet. "If we look off our West coast to Ireland we see a country which has developed extraordinary wealth in the last few years. In fact if we had grown at the same rate as Ireland then our economy would be £30,000 million richer and each of us would be £6000 a year richer just over the last 10 years. "I want a Scotland that is a force for good in the world and a voice for peace. Peace and prosperity – what greater ambition can there be for any nation? I believe Scotland has a big role to play taking this new model of 21st century success to the world."
Saturday
23rd December Ùghdarrasan Ionadail An do dh’fheuch duine sam bith agaibh dèiligeadh le ùghdarras ionadail sam bith o chionn goirid? Ma dh’fheuch, an deach e gu math? Tha poileasaidh aig a h-uile comhairle air cuin a dh’fheumas iad litrichean a fhreagairt, ach cha bhi iad daonnan a’ cumail ris. Uaireannan thig an aon fhiosrachadh barrachd na aon turas, no cha toir iad feairt air fiosrachadh a chuireas tusa thuca agus feumaidh tu cumail ort is cumail ort feuchainn ri freagairt cheart fhaighinn. Spòrs eile, ‘s e sin freagairt fhaighinn do cheist nach do chuir thu no gearan nach do thog thu, gun fhreagairt fhaighinn don rud a bha thu ag iarraidh. No nas sìmplidh uile gu lèir - chan fhaigh thu freagairt idir.
B’ e airgead an t-adhbhar a dh’èirich a’ cheist, le beachd gum biodh barrachd airgid ann do sgoiltean mura biodh pàigheadh àrd a’ dol a-mach air Stiùiriche; ach aig a’ cheann thall cha dèanadh e diofar cho mòr sin. ‘S dòcha gum biodh e na b’ fheàrr sùil a thoirt air a’ cheist anns an fharsaingeachd. Tha iomadh ùghdarras ionadail a’ dèanamh ath-structaradh an ceartuair gus an tèid aca an dleastanasan a choileanadh, ach dè cho math ‘s a bhios seo? Chan eil obraichean sòisealta gu leòr ann airson taic a thoirt do theaghlaichean ann an trioblaid, no taighean gu leòr ann aig prìs reusanta. Tha pàrantan a’ gearan nach eil taic gu leòr anns na sgoiltean do chloinn le duilgheadasan ionnsachaidh agus tha an t-ùghdarras ionadail ag iarraidh cuideigin fhastadh mar “writer in residence”. Le rudan mar seo a’ sìor-nochdadh tha na faclan “a’ gluasad cathraichean air an Titanic” a’ tighinn gu inntinn. Local Authorities Has anyone tried to deal with a local authority recently? If so, did it go well? Every council has a policy on when they must respond to letters, but they don’t always keep to it. Sometimes the same information comes more than once, or they pay no attention to the information which you send them and you have to keep on and keep on trying to get a proper response. Another bit of fun is to get a reply to a question you didn’t ask or a complaint you didn’t raise, without getting a response to the thing you did actually want. Or even simpler - you don’t get a reply at all. Even if you are getting an exceptionally good service from your local council, with more than fifty percent of the workforce working for the state are we getting value for our money? It’s obvious that not everyone in the education world believes that we are anyway. A view came out a few days ago that there should not be a Director of Education in every local authority. They have the same work and follow the same rules. Do we need them all? The Police Service manages with just eight Chief Constables in Scotland and their work is just as difficult and wide-ranging as that of a Director of Education.
It was money
that caused the question to be raised, with the assumption that there would
be more money available for schools if a high salary wasn’t being paid out
to a Director; but at the end of the day it wouldn’t make such a big
difference. Maybe it would be better to take a look at the situation in
general. There are many local authorities restructuring just now in order to
fulfil their duties, but how good will this be? There aren’t enough social
workers to support families in trouble, or enough houses at reasonable
prices. Parents are complaining that there isn’t enough support in schools
for children with learning difficulties and the local authority wants to
employ someone as “writer in residence” . The words “moving chairs on the
Titanic” come to mind. CAN JECK PEY A UNION DEEVIDEN? Lest month, Jeck McConnell firit the stertin gun fir neist year’s election wi his speech on the benefits o the Union. The First Meenister, naiturally eneuch, thinks we hae the best o baith warlds unner his government. He threips that Scotland soudnae haud oot fir ony mair pouers till it haes made fu yiss o aa the pouers it haes. This is s fine thocht, coman as it daes frae a First Meenister that haes pit throu as mony Sewel Motions (ti lat Wastmeenster hae the lest wird on a devolvit maitter) as it haes Acks o the Scottish Pairlament.
Syne the First Meenister went on ti the Union Deeviden. The papers saizit on his notion that the Union wad lat us sen aa oor nuclear waste doun ti England – that wesnae i the prentit speech at aa. Bit naebody haed telt Jeck aboot thir seeven muilderan nuclear submarines at Rosyth Dockyaird; a braw Union Deeviden they are! Chief amang the guid pynts o the Union, Jeck tells us, is the extrae siller that Scotland aye gets frae an ever guidwillie Whitehaa. It’s no as if Scotland gied onythin back. No a wird did he say abot Scottish ile, that haes gien the Government in Lunnon twa hunner million pun in taxes i the lest thretty year. Wi the pouers o independence, Scotland coud hae duin whit Norrowa haes duin, an set up an Ile Foond, that efter ainly eleven year is wirth saxteen thousand pun fir ilka person i the kintra. There’s ae mair Union Deeviden that Jeck daesnae talk aboot. Whit aboot Scotland’s pairt in Britain’s fremmit policy? Hou muckle, A wunner, wad be oor share o the daiths in Iraq? Hunners? Thoosans? Shairly this is a Union Deeviden that Scotland, an the warld, wad be better wioot! Kenneth Fraser
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The first
letter I ever had published in the Scotsman, and this may have been before I
joined the SNP, was in response to the subsidy canard. It started : “Dear Mr
English taxpayer……” and continued to thank him for his benevolence in paying
all these extra taxes to keep me feeding and clothing my family. The Scotsman,
being a bit more nationalistic over 40 years ago than it has been of late, put
it in a box, because it was lampooning the ludicrous claim that someone else was
paying my bills.
"As we enter the
New Year, I am filled with hope for the future of Scotland. This year we have
the opportunity to choose a better path for our nation.
Mr Salmond said:
Fiù ‘s ma bhios
tu a’ faighinn seirbheis air leth math bhon chomhairle agad, le còrr is leth
cheud às a’ cheud ag obair don stàit am bi sinn a’ faighinn luach às ar n-airgead?
Tha e follaiseach nach bi a h-uile duine ann an saoghal an fhoghlaim a’
creidsinn gum bi co-dhiù. Thàinig beachd a-mach o chionn latha na dhà nach
bu chòir Stiùiriche Foghlaim a bhith anns a h-uile ùghdarras ionadail. ‘S e
an aon obair a bhios iad a’ dèanamh agus an aon riaghailtean a bhios iad a’
leantail. A bheil feum againn orra uile? Nì Seirbheis nam Poileas an
gnothach le dìreach ochdnar Phrìomh Chonstabal ann an Alba agus bidh an
obair aca ceart cho doirbh agus farsaing ‘s a bhios obair Stiùiriche
Foghlaim.
Forbye, Jeck
hauds it ti be an awfu waste o time fir oor M.S.P.s ti be bickeran amang
theirsels aboot mair pouers fir Scotland whan there are sae mony guid warks
they coud be daean insteid. He allous that a wheen o European nations hae
gotten their independence i the lest hunner year: bit we soud dae whit
Bavaria, Catalonia an Flanders hae duin, an be content wi whit we hae. It’s
weel seen that Jeck daesnae ken that Catalonia, efter a lang tulzie, is
aboot ti get mair pouers, an Flanders haes haed its pouers eikit three
times.