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There’s no such thing as too much energy

The origins of the SNP’s first oil campaign were in the Stirling and Falkirk Burghs by-election campaign back in 1971. Although the SNP did not win the seat it achieved a 24% swing which was to generate the momentum for the eventual breakthrough in 1974.

the Beatrice oil platform In the latter stages of the campaign a “friendly” Labour MP conceded to me that the SNP campaign was going exceptionally well, but added “but you have to stop talking so much about oil – people are bored stiff with the subject and it’s time to move on”.

Naturally this not entirely disinterested advice was ignored but some seven or eight years later, and after intense Labour and Conservative efforts to rubbish as “fantasy economics” the claims that oil could transform Scotland’s economy, the SNP leadership more or less parked the oil issue. It was a costly mistake and not to be repeated.

So if this journal and the SNP nationally return again and again to the theme of energy and the need for a distinctively Scottish energy policy please bear with us.

Punching above our weight in global energy policy

As can be seen from international events the geopolitical influence of energy issues is all-pervasive Like it or not an independent Scotland is going to be a significant player in international energy politics.

This involves responsibilities as well as looking after the interests of our own citizens. Above all we have a duty to the welfare of our planet.

While following a clean energy path ourselves is clearly desirable we can make a much bigger impact on the world energy scene if we can help developing countries to adopt cleaner and greener technologies. Some years ago I calculated that even if we could eliminate entirely carbon dioxide emissions from the transport sector within the European Economic Area the resultant saving would only equal one year’s increase from China’s rapidly growing and largely coal-fired economy.

off shore wind farm - simulation Reducing greenhouse gas emissions from developing countries is central to the international community’s effort to slow global warming. Dollar for dollar, investment in clean energy and in more energy-efficient manufacturing processes should produce much greater savings in these countries than in Western nations.

Unfortunately many developing countries lack not only the technologies but also the institutional structures and management skills necessary for successful emissions reduction programmes. This is where Scotland could play a useful role. Alex Salmond’s proposal for a Renewable and Clean Energy Research Centre in Scotland could be expanded to incorporate a Clean Energy Planning and Management School, specifically aimed at training energy officials and decision-makers from the developing world how to introduce the new technologies to their own countries.

Some twenty-four years ago I was in charge of a similar EU project, aimed at helping developing countries benefit from new energy technologies. As part of the training we had a study tour of alternative energy sites throughout Europe – a solar power station in Sicily, geothermal energy in Tuscany, wind turbine research in The Netherlands, solar architecture in France, and so on. We also visited Scotland to study hydro power management in Pitlochry, wave power at Edinburgh University and the then National Engineering Laboratory in East Kilbride, and Dundee University for solar voltaics.

Of all the destinations Scotland was by far and away the most popular, partly because the projects were more interesting but also because the human interactions were so good. There was, however, one very clear message that the students (most of them senior energy officials or managers of energy utilities in their respective countries) had for the EU: they would only be prepared to consider adopting these new technologies once European countries themselves were using them on a commercial rather than simply a demonstration basis.

For Scotland that condition should be met fairly soon, particularly if the SNP form the next government.

Scottish Energy Review

The most impressive stop on the above-mentioned alternative energy tour was to the wave energy research facility at Edinburgh University. There was a huge wave tank where it was possible to replicate almost any ocean conditions and measure all the effects on model boats and on small-scale wave conversion devices called ducks. These were known as “Salter’s Ducks” after their inventor, Dr. Stephen Salter.

Dr. Stephen Salter Salter’s presentation, (marred only by the presence of a slightly sinister “man from the ministry” who periodically interrupted the narrative flow by tapping his forefinger on his lips, presumably to indicate that too much information was being divulged) dazzled his multicultural audience with its mix of hard scientific fact, humour, unusual insights and elegant understatement.

I was reminded of this when reading the just-published “Scottish Energy Review : Scotland’s Opportunity- Scotland’s Challenge”. It is written in the same inimitable style, which makes it not only a deeply serious scientific paper but also (unusually for an academic report) an exceptionally entertaining read.

Commissioning Professor Salter (as he now is) to chair this study of Scotland’s current and potential energy prospects was an inspired choice by the SNP. Together with his distinguished colleagues Kerr MacGregor and Clifford Jones he has produced possibly the best concise review of the totality of Scottish energy options yet produced.

I shall resist summarising the findings of the review in the hope that readers will read the report in its entirety. Those without a scientific background may have to invest a little time in acquainting themselves with some of the technical language but the effort will be amply rewarded.

Download the full report (36 pages) at http://www.electricscotland.com/si/scottish energy review.pdf

Postscript. Why is it only now, over 20 years later, that wave-power devices are entering commercial application? Part of the answer is that oil prices dipped sharply in the mid-1980s and thatcherite short-termism lead to the plug being pulled on many renewable energy projects (including my own management courses). I would also hazard the thought that wave power was subject to dirty tricks by the nuclear lobby, who saw it as the one renewable energy technology which posed a real threat. Perhaps Professor Salter can tell us the full story one day, “man from the ministry” permitting.

Nuclear’s last hurrah

I have a confession to make: many of my best friends are (or were) nuclear scientists and engineers. They tend to be very bright and culturally rounded people, particularly the older generation now well into retirement.

When they were recruited being part of the nuclear industry was highly regarded and those winning posts were regarded as the scientific cream of their generation, particularly in mainland Europe where the title Engineer is the most coveted qualification around. These were the days when nuclear power promised electricity so cheap that there would be no need to meter it, when people believed that the technology was accident-proof and when nobody had really got round to worrying about decommissioning or the long-term disposal of nuclear waste.

In hindsight such attitudes may seem naïve or reckless but they were the product of an age when technological optimism knew no bounds. Science would come up with solutions in time.

Chernobyl nuclear complex Only science didn’t, nor does it look like coming up with any answers in the immediate future. Meanwhile the nuclear dream has soured. Nuclear fission, despite being the most heavily subsidised technology in human history, is discredited on every front. Chapter 7 and Appendix B of the Scottish Energy Review (see above) perform a pretty comprehensive demolition job on the nuclear industry’s pretensions.

On one front, however, nuclear energy is unsurpassed. No other industry, not even pharmaceuticals or the arms manufacturers or tobacco, matches it for persistent and ruthless lobbying. We have seen this coming to a climax in recent weeks, in the lead-up to the publication of the UK Government’s much-trailed energy review “The Energy Challenge”.

This review, we were told, would give the green light to a new generation of nuclear reactors. Nuclear power was going to make the most amazing comeback since Lazarus.

In the event the review is more balanced than might have been expected. Renewables and carbon capture technology are given a prominent role. The need for a rethink on the levels of aid given to different types of renewable is conceded. Nuclear is there, it is true, but not as a dominant or inescapable option.

Indeed if the government remains true to the philosophy underpinning its energy review (admittedly a big “if”) there will be no further civilian nuclear reactors constructed in the UK. This is because new nuclear generating plant will only be built if it is paid for by the private sector, who will also have to bear the associated costs. In other words nuclear will have to survive in the free market, something it is patently unable to do. By courting support among neo-cons like Blair and Brown the nuclear lobby is hoist by its own petard.

Pro-nuclear enthusiasts in the Government may try to re-introduce hidden subsidies. The curious phraseology to the effect that private operators must “cover the full cost of decommissioning and their full share of long-term waste management costs” has given rise to speculation that there is wriggle room. There are also other actual or implicit subsidies which need to be abandoned such as the cost of military protection and the exemption from unlimited third-party insurance. As long as anti-nuclear groups remain vigilant it should be possible to block any backsliding.

Where does this leave my old colleagues, or at least the minority who are still in denial about the eclipse of nuclear power? Some at least end up as technical experts to various committees and review bodies where they tirelessly defend the industry to which they gave their professional lives.

I suspect that inclusion in many such studies of a few token references to the need for nuclear as part of a balanced energy portfolio is meant more as a mark of respect and affection towards these fine scientists rather than a serious policy option.

As far as Scotland is concerned we can relax about the threat of a nuclear revival and instead devote our energies to promoting the positive messages of clean energy technologies and still abundant hydrocarbons.

Cash-for-Peerages Scandal

With the arrest of Tony Blair’s bagman Lord Levy the police investigation into the alleged sale of peerages moves into top gear. Having lived in Italy throughout the “tangentopoli” (i.e.”bribesville”) scandal which brought down not only the government but the entire political establishment I find the pattern of events is curiously similar. An arrogant and authoritarian Prime Minister who has transformed the old socialist party into an unscrupulous right-wing personality cult. Mega-rich businessmen buying favours through illegal funding of political parties. Seemingly minor events leading to arrests increasingly higher up the food chain. Friends of the Prime Minister accusing the public prosecutors of a vendetta and publicity stunts. Other political parties keeping quiet because they were just as involved in the funding scandal as the Prime Minister and his Socialist Party.

At the same time we are still some way from the melt-down that saw Bettino Craxi resigning as Prime Minister and fleeing to Tunisia. And hopefully corruption in Blair’s UK is nowhere near the levels in Craxi’s Italy.

Silvio Berlusconi In last week’s Scotland on Sunday Magnus Linklater picked up the Italian comparisons in an article entitled “Blairusconi’s Britain”. This misses the point that Berlusconi came to power after “tangentopoli”, taking advantage of the political vacuum. So we should perhaps beware the possibility of unintended consequences should Blair, Brown, Cameron et al. suddenly depart the political stage.

On the positive side unintended consequences include Angus MacNeil becoming the best-known among newly-elected MPs and Alex Salmond gaining more airtime and public recognition in England than at any time in his political career.

Interesting times.

We are now into the seventh year of notable dates in Scottish history and have built up a time-line of some 1100 dates spanning our long history.

21 July 1911
A crowd of 20,000 saw Samuel Franklin Cody, cousin of ‘Buffalo Bill’, land his aircraft on Paisley racecourse during the Great Air Race.

21 July 1994
Scots-born Tony Blair became the youngest man to be elected leader of the Labour Party, in succession to the late John Smith.

23 July 1637
Laud’s Prayer Book riot in the High Kirk of St Giles, Edinburgh, when the Dean, James Hanna, started to read the new liturgy ordered by King Charles I. The Kirk was forcibly emptied and the doors locked.

“The Dean, Mr James Hanna, was mightily upbraidit… One did cast a stool at him intending to have given him a ticket of remembrance; but jouking became his safeguard at that time… A good Christian woman betook herself to her Bible in a remote corner of the Church. A young man sitting behind her began to sound forth ‘Amen!’ At the hearing thereof, she quickly turned her about, and after she had warmed both his cheeks with the weight of her hands, she thus shot against him the thunderbolt of her zeal. ‘False thief!’ said she, ‘is there no other part of the kirk to sing mass in, but thou must sing it at my lug?’ “

From a pamphlet of the Covenanting period.

24 July 1820
James Wilson, Strathaven Radical, was found guilty of treason and sentenced to death for his part in the 1820 Rising.

"I am glad to hear that my countrymen are resolved to act like men. We are seeking nothing but the rights of our fore fathers - liberty is not worth having, if it is not worth fighting for."

24 July 2005
Forth Bridge was closed for eight days to allow more than 170 workers to erect scaffolding, encapsulate work areas, blast off paint, carry out repairs and paint 25,000 square metres of steel with an industrial coating. It was the longest period that the bridge had been closed to rail transport.

26 July 1998
Death of John Aitkenhead, educational pioneer, founder and headmaster of Kilquhanity House School, at Kilquhanity.

27 July 1760
Scottish School of Design was founded. It became the Royal Institution, now the Royal Scottish Academy in Edinburgh.

27 July 1881
Founding of first ‘Carnegie; library in Andrew Carnegie’s home-town Dunfermline. In recognition of his gift, Andrew Carnegie was made a Freeman of Dunfermline. Between 1881and1917, Andrew Carnegie financed 2,307 libraries world-wide.

See Dates in History in our Features Section

SCOTTISH QUOTATIONS

I like to have quotations ready for every occasions - they give one's ideas so pat and save one the trouble of finding expression adequate to one's feeling.

Robert Burns

We continue our new Feature in this section of the Flag - Scottish Quotations - statements in prose and verse which reflect all aspects of Scottish life and outlook from the 13^th century to the present day. New quotes added every week. The quotations are not restricted to native Scots but include observations from abroad which help us, in the words of our National Bard, Robert Burns, "To see oursels as others see us"

Charlotte Bronte (1816-1855)

I always liked Scotland as an idea, but now, as a reality. I like it far better… and who indeed that has once seen Edinburgh, with its couchant crag-lion, but must see it again in dreams waking or sleeping? My dear Sir, do not think I blaspheme when I tell you that your Great London as compared to Dun-Edin ‘mine own romantic town’ is as prose compared to poetry, or as a great rumbling, rambling, heavy Epic – compared to a lyric, bright, brief, clear and vital as a flash of lightning. You have nothing like Scott’s Monument, or, if you had that and all the glories of architecture assembled together, you have nothing like Arthur’s Seat, and above all you have not the Scotch National Character – and it is that grand character after all which gives the land its true charm, its true greatness.

(Letter 20 July 1850)

Field Marshal The Right Honourable Sir Douglas Haig, 1^st Earl Haig, Viscount Dawick, Baron Haig of Bemersyde (1861-1928)

This cannot be considered severe in view of the numbers engaged.

(Written opinion (2 July 1916) on the adjuntant-general setting the casualty figure at 40,000 for the first day of the Battle of the Somme (1 July 1916). The actual British casualties on the first day were 57,470, of which 6,655 Scots were killed in action.)

Prince Charles Edward Louis John Casimir Silvester Maria Sterwart (1720-1788)

I am come home, sir, and will entertain no notion of returning to that place from whence I came, for that I am persuaded my faithful Highlanders will stand by me.

(Response to Alexander MacDonald of Boisdale who had stated that without sufficient French backing he should return home 24 July 1745)

John Thomson (BV) (1834-1882)

For life is but a dream whose shapes return,
Some frequently, some seldom, some by night
And some by day, some night and day: we learn,
The while all change and many vanish quite,
In their recurrence with recurrent changes
A certain seeming order; where this ranges
We count things real; such is memory’s night.

(The City of Dreadful Night, Canto 1)

See Scottish Quotations in our Features Section

SING A SANG AT LEAST
(compiled by Peter D Wright)

"That I for poor auld Scotland's sake
Some useful plan or book could make
Or sing a sang at least ........"

- Robert Burns

YOUNG PEGGY
Robert Burns

Young Peggy blooms our boniest lass,
Her blush is like the morning,
The rosy dawn, the springing grass,
With early gems adorning.
Her eyes outshine the radiant beams
That gild the passing shower,
And glitter o'er the crystal streams,
And cheer each fresh'ning flower.

Her lips, more than the cherries bright,
A richer dye has graced them;
They charm th' admiring gazer's sight,
And sweetly tempt to taste them;
Her smile is as the evening mild,
When feather'd pairs are courting,
And little lambkins wanton wild,
In playful bands disporting.

Were Fortune lovely Peggy's foe,
Such sweetness would relent her;
As blooming spring unbends the brow
Of surly, savage Winter.
Detraction's eye no aim can gain,
Her winning pow'rs to lessen;
And fretful Envy grins in vain
The poison'd tooth to fasten.
Ye Pow'rs of Honour, Love, and Truth,
From ev'ry ill defend her!
Inspire the highly-favour'd youth
The destinies intend her:
Still fan the sweet connubial flame
Responsive in each bosom;
And bless the dear parental name
With many a filial blossom.

Footnote: This song appeared in Johnson’s First Volume on 22 May 1787. It was written in 1785 in tribute to Miss Peggy Kennedy, daughter of a landed proprietor in Carrick, whom Burns met, when aged 17, she was visiting a friend in Mauchline. In a letter accompanying the song Robert Burns wrote to – ‘ as a small though grateful tribute for the honour her acquaintance.’

See the SING A SANG AT LEAST in our features section

SCOTTISH FOOD, TRADITIONS AND CUSTOMS

One of the main attractions at the traditional Scottish Highland Games is the competition of the Heavyweights – Tossing the Caber, Weight over the Bar etc are sights to see as strong, talented athletes throw weights about as if they were toys! From the days of Donald Dinnie onwards strongmen have dominated the games and brought in the crowds. But it is now a case of SOH – Save our Heavies! As the number of Scots competing in their own games has been in decline. At Burrntisland only three heavies were in competition and two of those who put on a great show were American. Over the years visiting heavies have added to glamour and rivalry of the games - great competitors such as Englishmen Arthur Rowe and Geof Capes more than played their part in thrilling game crowds. But at that time there was no shortage of native Scots to take on foreign competition, led by the outstanding Bill Anderson from Bucksburn. But the time has come to appeal to strong young Scots to take on the role of Heavyweight athletes and help save our games!

However there will be no shortage of heavies this weekend in Inverness. Over Saturday 22 and Sunday 23 July 2006 in the Bucht Park Arena, the City of Inverness Highland Games will play host to the Official World Championships for heavies aged 40 plus. For the first time ever Scotland will be hosting the event, indeed it will be the first time the competition has been held out-with America. 100 heavies from around the world will be in the Highland capital for two days of fierce competition to discover which athletes are the best on the Masters circuit. Nine World Championships will be at stake in nine hotly contested age classes as the core attraction of the spectacular City of Inverness Highland Games. Visit www.invernesshighlandgames.com for full details of what should prove to be two fantastic days in Inverness.

To help build up our heavies our recipe this week features the very best in Scottish beef with a dash of oatmeal thrown in for good measure. Roast Fillet of Aberdeen Angus Beef with Oatmeal, Pepper and Lemon Crust will delight all palates.

Roast Fillet of Aberdeen Angus Beef with Oatmeal, Pepper & Lemon Crust

Ingredients: 600 g Aberdeen Angus beef fillet; 30 g porridge oats; 1 tbsp black peppercorns, crushed; 1 unwaxed lemon, finely grated zest; 1 tbsp lemon juice; 1 tsp butter; 150 ml beef stock; 150 ml double cream; oil for greasing

Method: Preheat the oven 220°C/ gas mark 7. Place a small lightly oiled roasting tin in the oven. Mix the oatmeal, crushed peppercorns, lemon zest and a little salt. Thickly coat the fillet in the mixture, leaving the ends bare. Place in the tin, dot with butter and roast for 15 minutes. Turn off the heat, transfer the fillet to a clean dish and return to the oven to rest, leaving the door ajar. Place the tin on the hob. Pour in the stock and bring up to the boil, scraping in the residues, cooking till reduced by half. Add the cream and boil until thick. Stir in the lemon, adjust seasoning, then pour into a warm jug or bowl. To serve, carve the fillet into slices and serve with green beans and the sauce poured over. Serves 4.

See our Scottish Food, Traditions and Customs in our Features section

A KIST O FERLIES
A Keek at the Guid Scots Tung

By Peter & Marilyn Wright
(Note: All words underlined in this section are RealAudio links)

dub: bog; pool; stagnant pool

glowre: frown; stare, darkly; gleam, of stars

haddie: haddock

pent: paint

smirr: drizzle

thrawn: stubborn; surly; disobedient; adverse

Mak a better o: Improve upon

In the cauld dreich days when it's nicht on the back o four,

I try to stick to my wark as lang as may be;

But though I gang close by to the window and glower,

I canna see.

frae "December Gloaming" - Sir Alexander Gray ( 1882 -1968 )

COMPLETE POEMS

Poems from Francis Kerr Young
Grandfather tells the children the story of the Great Flood

This story was read by Grandfather Peter Wright (who reads a lot of the words and stories in the Flag in the Wind Scots Language section) to his grandchildren Kenzie & Caitlin and you can listen to it here! Note that it's about 15 minutes listening time and around 1.7Mb download. I'm told that both children enjoyed it! :-)

Click here to listen to this story!

Grandfather Peter Wrightand his grandchildren Kenzie & Caitlin
Peter Wright reading the story to his two grand-daughters Kenzie and Caitlin

It was a warm Canadian summer day near the Head-of-the-Lake where Grandfather was sitting in his rocking chair, half-dozing in the late morning sun. The happy cries of children made him sit up straight. The hubbub was being caused by Ashley-Anne and April, his two granddaughters. They scampered up the four steps onto the porch to kiss and hug him.

"Hello Papa!" chorused the two girls.

"An' how's ma favourite gran'weans the day?" asked Papa, his accent just as thick as the day he had sailed from the Broomielaw, some forty years earlier.

"Ah'm fine, Papa!" answered Ashley-Anne, trying to imitate her Grandfather's burr.

"Ye cheeky wee imp, ye!" smiled Grandfather with a mock scolding. "Where were ye the day?"

"We were at church with Daddy!" piped up five-year-old April, pointing to her father as he strolled up the garden path.

"Oh, ye were at the kirk, were ye? So that's why ye're a' dressed up in braw frocks. Tell me, whit did ye learn the day?" asked Papa.

Ashley-Anne, being taller because she was two years older than her sister, looked down into April's sky-blue eyes. Both girls bowed their heads in silence.

"They both fell asleep in church," Daddy said.

"Oh, so that's why ye're ashamed," said Grandfather. He gazed up to ask, "It must hae been a gey borin' sermon. Whit wis it aboot, Graham?"

"Noah," replied his son.

"Och aye - Noah," smiled Grandfather. "Ye wid hae thocht the minister wid've made yon tale excitin' enough tae keep the bairns wakened."

"Papa, can you tell us the story of Noah?" asked Ashley-Anne.

"Och, Ah suppose Ah could," replied Grandfather, rubbing his chin, his mind trying to recollect hazy Sunday School memories from a distant boyhood. (Although Grandfather was not a regular churchgoer he did have an excellent memory for historical dates). "Jist sit doon there an' tell ye the story as Ah remember it."

"Then I'll help Gran prepare the Sunday dinner," said Daddy and entered the house.

"Noo, let's see . . . How did it a' begin?" mused Grandfather, peering down with pride at his grandchildren: Ashley-Anne with cobalt blue-grey eyes and spun-gold hair, and April with fiery curls. Both were in pink dresses and bows, alike, yet not alike. "Och aye, Ah mind noo:

"A lang, lang time ago, back afore clocks were invented, somewhere oot in the Middle East, near Eden or wis it Aden? There wis a time when a' the folk were bad, so bad, that they were wicked. An' the wicked things they did wis terrible, so terrible that Ah cannae tell ye whit they did. Bit it wis worse than pickin' yer nose an' dichtin' it oan yer breeks!

"Noo, The Lord God Almighty wisnae too happy aboot these folk, so he disguised Himself like a regular man an' walked through the touns an' cities lookin' for somebody that was still guid. He knew that if ony guid person saw Him, He wid be recognised.

"Months went by an' still naebody showed ony interest in The Lord. He wis strollin' through a forest o' gopher trees yin day thinkin' aboot His Problem: Should He zap the Earth an' start a' ower again or should jist get rid o' the bad folk. Suddenly He found this auld guy kneelin' at His Feet.

"'Noah!' He says, 'Ye're kneelin' doon afore Me.'

"The man ignored Him an' said, 'Ah'm no' kneelin' doon fur onybody. Ah'm lookin' fur ma glesses. Och, here they are!' He pit oan his spectacles an' squinted up in amazement. 'Oh dear! It's The Lord! Ah'm awfy sorry, Lord!'

"'It's a' richt Noah!' The Lord assured him. "Dinna fash yersel' man! Get up oan yer feet. Tell me, how's the faimly?'

"'Och, jist daein' fine, Lord. Ah canna complain. Ah've mair gran'weans than Ah can coont. Ye've been awfy guid tae me ower the years.' He reached oot an' caught a gran'dochter oan the run, 'Here Jessie, run ower tae the hoose an' tell yer Gran tae pit the kettle oan. Tell her, Himself is here for a visit an' tae pit oot the waddin' cheeny!' As he let the wee lass gang awa', he said: 'Ye'll be stayin' fur a cup o' tea, Lord?"

"At that very meenit, Oor Lord had found the solution tae the problem. He pit His Arm aroon' Noah's shoo'der an' asked him: 'Noah, how dae ye fancy a cruise?'

"A wee while later, efter The Lord an' Noah had a cup o' tea an' a scone, the auld man, he was almost six hunner-year-auld ye ken, spoke up an' said: "'Ye ken, Lord, Ah quite fancy a cruise, bit Ah dinna hae ony money.'"

"'Och man, dinna fash yersel' aboot that," came His Reply. 'It'll be a workin' holiday for ye an' the missus. Ye can tak’ a' yer kids an' their spouses. Aye, an' a' yer gran'weans tae.'

"'Ok. Ah'll get the women tae start packin' an' the lads tae roon' up a' the camels,' said Noah. 'We'll start oot fur the seaside first thing the morra.'

"'Na - na!" protested The Lord. "Ah want ye tae build an Ark richt here.'

"Noo Noah wisnae a man tae argy wi' The Lord although he did point oot that he didna ken how tae build an Ark.

‘That’s aw richt Noah,’ says The Lord. ‘A’ll gie a blueprint. Ah’ve goat a wee bitty experience oan design work.’ He added then telt him tae chap doon enough gopher-wid trees tae build an Ark three hunner cubits lang, fifty cubits broad, an' thirty cubits high."

"What's a cubit, Papa?" asked Ashley-Anne.

"Eh? The distance frae here tae there," replied Grandfather, drawing a finger from his elbow, along his forearm to his fingertips. He continued his story.

"It took a' the men a while tae build the Ark. An' a' this while the women collected puffed wheat an' ither cereals, alang wi' fruit tae make jam fur jeelly pieces. They made lots o' biscuits 'n' pies 'n' things for the journey.

"As the Ark was beginnin' tae take shape, folk wid come frae a nearby toun tae laugh at them. 'Whit's this?' they wid shout an' pint, 'Kilncadzow dry docks?' Bit Noah an' his faimly jist ignored them. They wid be laughin' oan the ither side o' their faces afore lang.

"Finally the big day came an' the Ark wis feenished. Noah's second auldest lad wis jist hammerin' in the last nail when The Almighty appeared. He walked roon' the craft, strolled up the ramp oan the side, an' climbed up the three decks tae hae a look at the skylight oan the tap deck. There wis a strong smell o' tor because the hale vessel hid been coated, inside an' oot, wi' pitch - as per The Lord's Instructions.

"'You an' yer lads ha' done a rare joab Noah,' said The Lord. 'Noo, Ah'd like ye tae gether up a' the animals oan this list an' pit them in the stalls provided in the Ark. Ye'll hiv tae collect yin male an' yin female o' each kind, except for the clean animals. Sheep, kye, chickens, an' the like. Ye'll need fourteen o' each - seevin male an' seevin female. Oh aye, an' the pigs will hiv tae be kosher. An' anither thing, afore Ah forget, hae a couple o' yer lads bag up a' the gopher-wid sawdust an' shavin's. It'll came in handy for beddin' doon the beasts oan the trip. Ah see ye've been storin' grub for yersel's oan the voyage, dae the same for the animals. Ah'll be back aboot the middle o' February tae see how ye're gettin' oan.'

"An' sure enough, oan the seventeenth o' February in the year 2348 BC, The Lord showed up tae see if Noah wis ready.

"'Weel done Noah! Are ye a' set for a sail doon the watter?' asked The Almighty.

"'Aye, jist aboot Lord,' replied Noah. 'There's jist a few odds an' ends tae tidy up.'

"A week later, Noah, his faimly, an' a' the animals, wis packed up shipshape an' ready for the voyage. He scratched his beard an' stared aff intae the distance. Big black clouds were scuddin' in frae the Cairngorms. 'It looks like we're in for a shoo'er o' rain,' he forecasted, addin': 'Ah gled Ah dinnae come frae Fife!'

"'Aye,' The Lord said in agreement. "There's goin' tae be a puckle o' rain a'richt. Noah, ye'd better nip up the gangway the noo, an' Ah'll snib the door for ye. Bon voyage!'

"The big door oan the side o' The Ark was slammed shut jist as the first giant raindraps came splatterin' doon when The Almighty left in a great big bolt o' lightnin'.

"Some time later Noah could hear somebody batterin' oan the ootside o' The Ark, so he goat oot his umbrella an' went up oan deck. He looked doon tae see some folk standin' waist deep in rain watter an' hammerin' oan the keel.

"'Here youse!' he shouted. 'Stoap that bangin' oan this boat. Ye micht dae some damage!'

"'Can ye take us oan board?' a man shouted up at Noah.

"'Sure,' replied Noah. 'Dae ye hae a ticket?'

"The man shook his heid.

"'Well, ye cannae get oan board athoot a ticket!" Noah yelled through the peals o' thunder.

"'How dae Ah get a ticket?' the man hailed back.

"'Jist ask The Lord, He'll gie ye yin.'

"'Och, we dinna speak tae The Lord,' answered the man. 'We dinna hae time for Him!'

"'Then ye dinna hae a prayer!' scoffed Noah, an' went back doon ablow for a bowl o' hoat parritch.

"The rain kept teemin' doon an' it wisna lang until the Ark began tae float away."

"What happened to the people that didn't get on the Ark, Papa?" asked Ashley-Anne.

"Oh - eh - " hedged Grandfather. "They jist went fur a dook doon the Clyde . . . Onywey, oan wi' the story!" he continued: "Well, the rain wis tae pelt doon for forty days an' nichts. The wind wis howlin' a' that time. Lightnin' could be seen flashin' past the skylight windy, an' thunder boomed like cannon fire. The Ark bobbed oan giant waves, up an' doon, up an' doon, jist like a cork. Bit the Ark didnae leak.

"Aboot a fortnicht efter they had floated away, a' the ewes birthed twa lambs each. That worked oot tae . . . Let's see noo - " Grandfather counted on his fingers.

"Fourteen, Papa!" laughed Ashley-Anne who had learned her two-times table at school.

"That's richt!" agreed Grandfather. "Ye're a clever wee lassie! Ye'll hae tae show April here how tae coont when she's aulder.

"So oan wi' the story: A' the wee boys an' lassies weren't as feart onymair 'cause they had wee lambs tae cuddle an' play wi'. Oan the twinty-eighth o' March, the rain finally stoapped, bit the waves were still awfy big. Noo there wis nae plug hole tae drain a’ yon watter awa’. So the sun heated it up an' made it intae big white fluffy clouds. Bit the air was awfy foggy while this wis happenin’ - jist like a Glesga steamie. They drifted for anither forty days until it cleared, an' by the seventeenth o' July, the Ark cam' tae rest oan a mountain. Since it was the middle o' summer, a' the sheep were pechin' frae the heat so Noah had them a' sheared. The fleeces were made intae winter jaickets which were named efter the mountain the Ark rested oan: Mount Anorak!

"By the first o' October, ither mountains could be seen, an' forty days later, Noah decided tae let go a craw, or wis it a raven? Whitever - it flew for a couple o’ miles an’ suddenly sterted shakin’ its heid bit kept oan fleein’ until the watters receded. Tae this very day, a’ the craws frae Ponfeigh flee backwards tae keep the stour oot o’ their e’en.

"Then Noah sent oot a cushy doo. The doo couldna find a place tae land so it flew back tae its dookie in the Ark. A week later, oan the mornin' o' November the seventeenth, Noah sent the cushy doo awa’ again an' it came back that nicht wi' an olive leaf in its beak. Noah kent that the watter wis goin' doon for sure. Anither week went by an' he set the doo free again, bit this time, it didna come back.

"Oan Ne'erday, Noah took the watterproof tarp aff the upper deck. There wis still a lot o' watter left so they a' had anither six or seven weeks tae wait. The big day came oan the twinty-seventh o' February, 2347 BC. The Earth wis dry an' the sun wis shinin', when Noah an' his faimly daun’erd oot the Ark. Steppin’ very carefully ahent the kye, an’ a' the animals, they herded in front o' them, an’ headed oan doon the mountain tae live happily ever efter . . . Well, at least until Exodus!"

"Supper's ready!" Gran shouted, tapping on the window.

Grandfather arose from his rocking chair and toddled towards the door, followed by a barrage of questions from the two children.

See Scots Language in our Features Section
for other poems, stories, songs, sayings, jokes and words in the Scots language

SCOT WIT

Enjoy a Scottish Joke every week and listen to it as well

Tea Break

There used to be a longish stop at our local station when the guard took the opportunity to have his tea on the platform. On one occasion an impatient passenger, knowing that the time for departure had come and gone, finally asked the guard why the train had not departed.

"She canna stert till A blaw ma whussle" came the official explanation.

"Then blow your whistle" protested the exasperated passenger.

"An hou kin A blaw ma whussle" replied the aggrieved guard "whan ma mou's fu o biscuits?"

Click here to listen to this joke

Read and listen to Jokes in our Scot Wit section

AND AS WE CONTINUE...

If you read our first issue of The Flag in the Wind you will know that this is a weekly Internet commentary on the Scottish political scene; if you desire further erudition click on Archives.

SOME OF OUR FEATURE SECTIONS....

About Us
Our mission is to fight for an Independent Scotland and to promote its history, heritage and culture. Learn all about us here.
The Scots Language
A great introduction to the Scots Language, produced by Peter and Marilyn Wright, and added to each week both in text and RealAudio. Enjoy listening to words, poems and stories told in a real Scots accent!
Scottish Quotations
A variety of quotations in prose and verse reflecting all aspects of Scottish life and outlook.
The Rebels Ceilidh Songbook
An excellent introduction to traditional songs from Scotland.
Sing A Sang At Least
Our collection of Scottish songs. A new song is added to the collection each week.
Scottish Food, Traditions and Customs
Enjoy our collections of recipes and our comments on them.
Notable Dates in History
Each week we add three new notable dates in history building this into an historic timeline for Scottish history.
Features
Lots more stories, recipes, historical articles and even whole books are added here on a regular basis.
The Oliver Brown Award
An annual award given to an outstanding Scot(s) each year. Also included picture galleries from the annual lunch.

THE SCOTTISH NATIONAL PARTY

The Scots Independent Newspaper is independent of the Scottish National Party, but we support the Party in its drive for Independence; while space precludes us commenting on all the issues raised by the 27 MSPs, 5 MPS and 2 MEPs, also the Party Office Bearers, we have provided a link to the SNP Website.

THE FLAG IN THE WIND

The above was the title of a book written in the early Fifties by John MacDonald MacCormick, one of the founder members of the Scottish National Party in 1934. The sub-title was "The Story of the National Movement in Scotland". His comment in the book said "It is perhaps in the symbols which men use that their deepest sentiments are most readily expressed. Flags as well as straws show which way the wind is blowing". A fuller account appears under Features.

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The Working Life of Linda Fabiani MSP