The Scots Independent Newspaper Online

MORAY BY-ELECTION

Here is the result of the by-election held in Moray on Thursday April 27.

SNP	12,653	46.15%
Tory	6,268	22.86%
LD	5,310	19.37%
Lab	2,696	9.83%

This was a truly stunning performance by the Scottish National Party. We have held the seat since the very first Scottish Parliament elections in 1999 with the terrific Margaret Ewing. Most of us hoped that we would retain it, but very few believed that we would increase our share of the vote or our overall majority.

So hats off to the SNP team and candidate Richard Lochhead.. The SNP share of vote went up by 3.95%, the Tories were static, LibDems increased by 7.20% and Labour fell by 9,28%.

Clearly the advent of new Tory leader has not impacted on the Scottish electorate, at least yet. The Tory candidate – in my opinion, basically a very pleasant woman – nevertheless made some dreadful blunders in her campaign. It just showed how pressure can cloud judgment.

The LibDems increased their vote considerably and are a headache. Their campaign seems to have been as dishonest and unscrupulous as ever. As ever, they claimed that the race was between themselves and the leading party, in this case the SNP. Once again, by coming third, they showed themselves as cheating opportunists. At least they did better than last November in the Loanhead local government by-election, when they claimed to be the only party to be able to defeat the SNP – and then came fifth.

As for Labour, what can you say? Burdened by an unpopular prime minister and mired in sleaze they stumble on from one crisis to the next. In the old days this would not have worried a government too much, as at Westminster they still have three or four years to run. But with the advent of then Scottish parliament, things have changed.

It’s only a year now until the Scottish elections, and while Labour may not be as unpopular then – surely- as now, nevertheless it is likely that they will lose out. If not next year, then certainly by 2011, we should begin to see a transformation in the government of Scotland.

CONGRATULATIONS, MAUREEN

Politics is a funny business. Richard Lochhead resigned his seat as a list member of the Scottish parliament so that he could fight the Moray by-election and become a first-past-the-post member. So that left a vacancy for the list seat, and as it happened the first few people on the list were either committed to fighting next year’s election elsewhere, or for other reasons could not come forward.

Maureen Watt So enter Maureen Watt. Maureen is the daughter of Hamish Watt, a former Scottish National Party Member of Parliament at Westminster – one of the intake of 1974.

I first came across Maureen at an SNP meeting in the Scottish Borders way back in 1975, and was immediately impressed by her speaking ability. Even then, as a very young woman she had both a confidence and a facility to argue her point that were unusual.

Since then we have had our points of difference, but I have no doubt that she will be a considerable asset to the Scottish National Party at Holyrood.

ELEPHANTINE BED PARTNERS

It was that most subtle of politicians, the late Canadian premier Pierre Elliot Trudeau, who in 1969 said that being a neighbour of the United States was like being in bed with an elephant. It is a very awkward situation. With the best will in the world, any small movement of the great beast is bound to have a considerable impact on the smaller animal.

This is almost inevitably the case, and at least two authors have written books on the subject with specific reference to the relationship between Scotland and England. It must be twenty years ago that Paul Scott first published his excellent Saltire booklet “In Bed with an Elephant”, and a few years later Ludovic Kennedy wrote a book with the same title.

I am prompted to this train of thought after hearing a talk tonight given by Professor Tom Devine, of the University of Edinburgh, again with the same title.

Professor Devine analysed the history of the Scotland-England relationship since the Treaty of Union in 1707 and a truly fascinating topic it is.

First of all there were the early resentments of the Scots, sold down the river as they saw it – in my view justifiably – by an unrepresentative elite. This resentment culminated in the 1745 rising – a rising, not a rebellion, as I once had very publicly pointed out to me by Georgina Cochrane in Musselburgh – which was brutally crushed. This was when the elephant deliberately exerted its power.

Bit by bit the Scots came to accept the Union, many coming to believe over the following hundred years and more that Scotland had benefited from the Union and indeed that the essence of Scotland would die and be subsumed the British state.

So by Victorian the Union was accepted, local democracy – almost a kind of devolution – was powerful, and the London government left the Scots largely to get on with it. The London elephant seemed to be soundly asleep.

According to Professor Devine, In the first half of the twentieth century there were several things that might have shaken up this acceptance of the status quo – the shocking losses among Scots soldiers in the First World War, the dreadful suffering and unemployment of the 30s, the ever-greater encroachment of government from the centre. But no shaking up took place.

It was only in the 1960s and 70s that things began to change – Britain began to fall behind other European states, and then North Sea oil was discovered. Finally, in the 1980s, the elephant became aware of its size once again and began to throw its weight about, with consequences that are still being worked out.

This is a very brief of a fascinating talk, and I’m sure I have not done Professor Devine justice, but I hope I have given you a flavour.

There are a couple of other points. Prof Devine pointed out that the great ferment of revolution in Europe in the nineteenth century largely passed Scotland by. Interestingly, so did the great creation of free nations both in 1919 and around 1990.

And the dreadful loss of life in 1914-18 was mirrored, on a much smaller scale, when in Iraq in 1906, out of the first hundred British soldiers killed, sixteen were Scots – double what you expect on a proportional basis. Yet again, this has scarcely drawn a mention in the Scottish or British media.

The Working Life of Linda Fabiani MSP

Click here to read SNP MSP Linda Fabiani's working diary.

SYNOPSIS

Friday 28 April 2006

SNP COMMENT ON CLARKE STATEMENT

SNP Home Affairs spokesperson in the House of Commons, Stewart Hosie MP, has criticised the latest limited release of information by the Home Secretary
Charles Clarke.

With serious crimes, including drugs, violence and allegations of rape and other sex offences, now revealed, Mr Hosie said that the Prime Minister had been wrong not to demand the Home Secretary's resignation.

Speaking from Dundee, Mr Hosie said:

“This latest information from Charles Clarke once again raises more questions and provides very few answers. It does little to ease public concern or restore confidence in the ability of the Home Office to get a grip and deal with this crisis.

“Sadly their response so far has been a mix of cock up and complacency and this latest information only serves to confirm how little effective action has been taken since the Home Secretary first knew of this problem.

“There can be little surprise that some of these released prisoners have now gone on to commit further offences, some of them extremely serious.

“The statement does little to address the concerns of the public and I find it amazing that 10 months after the Home Secretary knew of this problem, he has struggled to provide even two short pages of information.

“We still don’t know whether any of these people are in Scotland and we still have no confirmation of when he first alerted the Scottish authorities. That is simply not good enough.

“Clearly the Home Secretary did the right thing this week by offering his resignation. Instead of rejecting it the Prime Minister should have sacked him.”

Thursday 27 April 2006

GRAHAME PRAISES ABBOTSFORDS SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTION TO THE HISTORIC ENVIRONMENT OF THE BORDERS

Christine Grahame Christine Grahame MSP has praised the significant contribution to the historic environment of Sir Walter Scott’s Abbotsford House during a debate at the Scottish Parliament and warned Ministers again that if long-term funding cannot be found then the future of the well known Borders landmark is critical.

Ms Grahame said:

“Abbotsford is a historic site not only of Borders or even Scottish importance but international significance. It attracts visitors from across the world and it would be difficult to think of the Borders without Abbotsford and the legacy its has left in this part of the country.

“The danger is that complacency in terms of identifying funding for this and other important sites could lead to them closing and their collections scattered for good. That would be a tragedy for the Borders and for Scotland and would be a major blow for the local tourism industry.”

Thursday 27 April 2006

SNP WARN AGAINST IMPORT OF NUCLEAR WASTE

NUCLEAR WASTE SHADOW HANGING OVER AYRSHIRE, THE HIGHLANDS AND WESTERN ISLES

SNP Environment spokesperson in the House of Commons, Mike Weir MP, has warned the government not to consider importing nuclear waste into Scotland following reports that the Committee on Radioactive Waste Management (CoRWM) is to recommend deep storage of nuclear waste. Mr Weir has called for a government statement in the Commons this afternoon during exchanges with the Leader of the House.

There are 33 sites in the UK which have previously been considered as high level waste dump sites. 22 out of 33 are located in Scotland and 6 of them are in the Western Isles.

The New Scientist Magazine last year uncovered through Freedom of
Information the sites of 12 potential waste sites identified by NIREX in the 1980’s – five of the twelve are in Scotland.

They are:

Under the sea between the Inner Hebrides and Northern Ireland, accessed from the port at Hunterston in North Ayrshire
Adjacent to Dounreay nuclear plant in Caithness
Altnabreac in Caithness 18 km south of Dounreay
Fuday, small, uninhabited island north of Barra in the Western Isles
Sandray, small, uninhabited island south of Barra in the Western Isles

Commenting Mr Weir said:

“The SNP will oppose any attempts to import nuclear waste into Scotland for deep storage.

"Scotland has always opposed the dumping of nuclear waste and this report shows the total folly of the government’s nuclear obsession.

“Given the Waste Committee’s own estimates of the timescale to prepare a suitable storage site – up to 50 years – there can be no doubt that this government’s headlong rush to produce even more nuclear waste from new nuclear power stations is the wrong policy for Scotland and for our energy future.

“There is no real solution offered here, as even CoRWM point to the need for safe ‘interim storage’ for one or two generations over ‘several decades’. They also highlight potential technical problems at sites proposed for deep disposal, as well as ‘social and ethical concerns’.

“Scotland doesn’t want or need new nuclear power stations and certainly doesn’t want to become the dumping ground for Britain’s nuclear waste. We have the opportunity instead to become Europe’s renewable power house and government policy should be focused 100% on maximising our clean, green energy potential.”

Thursday 13 April 2006

ROBERTSON ON RAF IRAQ VERDICT

Following the guilty verdict passed on of Flt Lt Malcolm Kendall-Smith, the RAF doctor who was accused of disobeying orders at a court martial after he refused to serve in Iraq, SNP Defence and Foreign Affairs Spokesman Angus Robertson accused the Labour Government of failing Scotland's service personnel.

Mr Robertson, whose Moray constituency includes Scotland's two largest air bases in RAF Lossiemouth and RAF Kinloss said:

"While it is not appropriate for me to comment on the Court Marshall process itself, this case has highlighted the disquiet amongst many in the service community about the government's policies towards Iraq.

"I'm sorry that servicemen and women have to wrestle with their conscience over orders regarding this dubious undertaking. Our brave service personnel are being failed by Labour politicians in London."

Thomas Muir Lecture

Michael Russell is giving a lecture on Scottish Martyr Thomas Muir in the Moreig Hotel Annan Road Dumfries, at 3 pm on Saturday 27th May 06.

The meeting has been organised by Dumfries CA as the first of what they hope will become an annual commemoration of Scotland's heroes in memory of that great nationalist Tom McCallum.

Gordon & Carmen Wright

Second-hand, Fine & Rare Scottish Books.

Regular catalogues issued by email. To subscribe, email us at: Gordon.Wright11@btopenworld.com

Gordon Wright’s Scottish Photo Library

Spanning forty-five years and featuring a wide variety of illustrations in colour and black and white covering all aspects of Scottish life from Orkney to the Border country. Thousands of personality portraits.

Images for reproduction. Prints for collectors.

Gordon.Wright11@btopenworld.com

5 May 1603
A public postal system, with posts between Edinburgh and Berwick, was established at Canongate Foot, Haddington and Cockburnspath.

‘To appoint, constitute
and plaice in townes maist commodious for that purpois betwixt this and Berwick postmaisters haifing grantit unto thame allowance and standing fie for intertyning of hors for the pacquets and ar bund to serve the carriage thairof alsweiill by nicht and day.’

Register of the Privy Council VI. 567.

King Charles I 5 May 1646
King Charles I surrendered to the Scottish army at Newark. In settlement of the indemnity agreed at Ripon (The Treaty of Ripon, 1641) the Scots eventually agreed to hand the King over to the English parliament.

5 May 2005
Scots-born Prime Minister Tony Blair led the Labour Party to a historic third successive Westminster General Election victory, In Scotland, owing to the setting up of the Scottish Parliament, the number of seats were reduced from 72 to 59 and the state of the parties were – Labour 41, Liberal Democrat 11, Scottish national Party 6, Conservative 1.

6 May 1841
Death of John Thomson, composer and inaugural Reid Professor of Music at Edinburgh University (1838), his compositions were much admired by Mendelssohn.

6 May 1901
Birth of Sir John brown, naval architect and designer of the 80,000 tonne Queen Mary, Cunard Order No 534, launched in September 1934. Four years later he was head of the design team for the Queen Elizabeth.

7 May 2005
Gretna FC, in only their third season in the Scottish Football League, were promoted as Third Division Champions with a new points record of 98. In a free-scoring season they scored 130 goals, just failing to match Heart’s 132 in season 1957/58 and twelve short of Raith Rover’s 142 in 1937/38. Top scorer Dr Kenny Deuchar scored six-hat-tricks, equalling England’s Jimmy Greaves record in one season.

9 May 1957
A spectacular blaze at Bell’s Brae, Edinburgh, destroyed the three-storey premises of William Mutrie & Sons, one of Britain’s biggest theatrical costumiers, about 90.000 costumes were lost.

9 May 2005
Jim Wallace MSP resigned as leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats and Deputy First minister. He was the leading proponent of the Labour – Liberal democrat coalition in the Scottish parliament and was succeeded by Nicol Stephen MSP.

10 May 1929
Scottish Local Government Act came into force. It was abolished in 1974 by the Local Government (Scotland) Act.

‘An Act to transfer to county councils and to the town councils of certain burghs in Scotland functions of existing local authorities relating to poor relief, lunacy and mental deficiency, education, public health and other matters; to amend the law relating to local government in Scotland….’

From the title, Acts 19 and 20 George V. c.25.

See Dates in History in our Features Section

SCOTTISH QUOTATIONS

I like to have quotations ready for every occasions - they give one's ideas so pat and save one the trouble of finding expression adequate to one's feeling.

Robert Burns

We continue our new Feature in this section of the Flag - Scottish Quotations - statements in prose and verse which reflect all aspects of Scottish life and outlook from the 13^th century to the present day. New quotes added every week. The quotations are not restricted to native Scots but include observations from abroad which help us, in the words of our National Bard, Robert Burns, "To see oursels as others see us!

Sean Connery

Over the centuries the Scots have accepted the fact of English domination. You’ve only got to look at the figures to realise Scotland is a perpetually depressed area. Why else do the Scots have to leave Scotland to make a good living?

John Hamilton, 2^nd Lord Belhaven (1656-1708)

I think I see a free and independent kingdom delivering up that which all the world hath been fighting for, since the days of Nimrod; yea, that for which most of all the Empires, Kingdoms, States and Principalities and Dukedoms of Europe, are at this time engaged in the most bloody and cruel wars that ever were, to wit a power to manage their own affairs by themselves without the assistance and counsel of any other.

(Speech opposing the incorporating Union between Scotland and England 2 November 1706)

Ronald David Laing (1927-1989)

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing.

Dorothy Wordsworth (1771-1855)

Scotland is the country above all others that I have seen, in which a man of imagination may carve out his own pleasures; there are so many inhabited solitudes.

(Journal 1803)

See Scottish Quotations in our Features Section

SING A SANG AT LEAST
(compiled by Peter D Wright)

"That I for poor auld Scotland's sake
Some useful plan or book could make
Or sing a sang at least ........"

- Robert Burns

ERIN-GO-BRATH
Traditional

My name’s Duncan Campbell, from the shire of Argyll,
I’ve travelled this country for many a mile –
I’ve travelled thro’ England and Scotland and a’,
And the name I go under’s bold Erin-go-Bragh.

One night in Auld Reekie, as I walked down the street,
A saucy policeman by chance I did meet;
He glowered in my face and gave me some jaw,
Saying “When came ye over , bold Erin-go-Brath?”

“I am not a Paddy, though Ireland I’ve seen,
Nor am I a Paddy, though in Ireland I’ve been
But though I were a Paddy, that’s nothing ava,
There’s many a bold hero from Erin-go-Bragh.”

“I know you are a Pat by the cut of your hair,
But you all turn Scotchmen as soon’s you come here;
You have left your own country for breaking the law,
We are seizing all stragglers from Erin-go-Brath.”

“Though I were a Paddy, and you knew it to be true,
Or were I the devil – pray, what’s that to you?
Were it not for the baton you have in your paw,
I would show you a game played in Erin-go-Bragh.”

Then a switch of blackthorn that I held in my fist,
Across his big body I made it to twist;
And the blood from his napper I quickly did draw,
And paid him stock and interest for Erin-go-Brugh.

The people came round like a flock of wild geese,
Crying, “Stop, stop the rascal, he has killed the police!”
And for every friend I had, I’m sure he had twa-
It was very tight times with bold Erin-go-Bragh.

But I came to a wee boat that sails on the Forth,
I picked up my all, and I steered for the North;
Farewell to Auld Reekie, policeman and a’,
May the devil be with them says Erin-go-Bragh.

Now, all you brave fellows that listen to my song,
I don’t care a farthing to where I belong;
I come from Argyll, in the Highlands so braw,
But I ne’er take it ill when called Erin-go-Bragh.

Footnote: A song collected by Ford which proves that there is nothing new in anti-immigrant attitudes. Prejudice and ‘no Irish need apply’ were alive and well in 19^th century Scotland.

See the SING A SANG AT LEAST in our features section

SCOTTISH FOOD, TRADITIONS AND CUSTOMS

1937/38 East Fife Scottish Cup winning team

The tradition and romance of the Scottish Cup never fails to enthuse Scottish football fans with the hope that come the month of May that their club’s name will be added to the coveted trophy – the oldest National trophy in the world. Since the Scottish Cup was first presented to Queen’s Park in season 1873/74 only one team, from out-with the top division, has ever won the trophy – East Fife in season 1937/38. The 2006 Scottish Cup Final on Saturday 13 May provides the opportunity for a club to emulate The Fife’s historic achievement when Second Division Champions Gretna FC, in only their fourth season in the Scottish League, face up to the pride of one half of Edinburgh – Hearts of Midlothian. Next week we will look at the meteoric rise of Gretna FC as they face up to their first-ever Scottish Cup Final against opponents who are seeking their seventh success in the tournament. A real David versus Goliath contest with which to end the 2005/06 season. On Tuesday 9 May 2006 the first part, of a two-part documentary, on the fairy tale rise of Gretna will be televised on BBC 2 at 9pm.

Scottish FA Cup But this week we turn the clock back to Wednesday 27 April 1938 when a crowd of 91,700 watched East Fife replay First Division Kilmarnock for the Scottish Cup, following a 1-1 draw. Drawn games and replays had been the hallmark of the Second Division teams march to the final, apart from rounds one (a 2-1 away victory over Airdrieonians) and two (5-0 home thrashing of Dundee United). In round three a home draw (1-1) was followed by a fighting 2-1 victory against the previous season’s beaten finallists Aberdeen at Pittodrie. Round four saw a similar story against local rivals Raith Rovers – a 2-2 draw at Bayview was followed by a 3-2 victory over the Kirkcaldy team at Stark’s Park. The semi-final saw a massive tussle with Edinburgh side St Bernards (now defunct). The three games, all played at Hearts ground Tynecastle Park, resulted in two 1-1 draws but eventually the Men from Methil triumphed 2-1 and set up their second ever visit to Hampden Park in a Scottish Cup Final. They had been defeated 3-1 in 1927 by Celtic in the very first Scottish Cup final to be broadcast live on the wireless.

Almost predictably the final against Kilmarnock on Saturday 23 April 1938, in front of 79,000 spectators, resulted in a 1-1 draw. Even in the replay the teams were tied at 2-2 after 90 minutes, but in extra time East Fife stepped up a gear against their First Division opponents and goals from Larry Millar and Danny McKellerell ensured that the Scottish Cup came to the Kingdom of Fife for the first-ever time. The celebrations when the Cup came to Methil are still the talk of the steamie. Over the eleven games played in the successful cup run, some 373,000 spectators watched the Second Division team march to glory and the names of the winning team are still recited with pride by East Fife supporters of a certain vintage!

Milton; Laird, Tait; Russell, Sneddon, Harvey; Adams, McLeod, McCartney, Millar, McKerrell

This was indeed basically the team which took The Fife to their history-making victory, with the exception of Harvey. In a move that wouldn’t be allowed today, John Harvey was a last minute signing from Hearts to replace Andy Herd (Left-half0 who had sustained a knee injury in the drawn final. John Harvey only signed for East Fife on Tuesday 26 April and made his one-and-only appearance for the Black and Gold in the final replay, picking up a Scottish Cup winner’s medal in the process. Much to the delight of the Methil faithful the SFA approved a request from East Fife to present a cup medal to Andy Herd.

East Fife’s reputation as doughty cup fighters was further enhanced in season 1947/48 when they became the first Second Division team to win the Scottish League Cup. Promoted as champions to the First Division they went to win the League Cup again in 1949/50 and became the first-ever club to win that trophy for a third time in season 1953/54. Thus traditions and reputations are made but sadly the glory days for East Fife are now lie in the past, but for true football fans hope always springs eternally!

The Scottish Cup is the jam on the cake as far as the finalists are concerned, after a long hard league programme, and appropriately a preserve recipe – Strawberry Jam – is just the ticket for this week as we look forward to yet another Scottish cup Final.

Strawberry Jam

Ingredients: 6 lb (2 ¾ kg) strawberries; 4 ½ lb (2 kg) sugar

Method: Pick over and hull berries, then boil, without water, for 20 minutes. Remove from heat, add sugar, stir till dissolved, then return to heat. Bring to boil and boil for 10 minutes. Pot and seal, Store in a cool, dry, airy place.

See our Scottish Food, Traditions and Customs in our Features section

A KIST O FERLIES
A Keek at the Guid Scots Tung

By Peter & Marilyn Wright
(Note: All words underlined in this section are RealAudio links)

bourach: heap; confused heap
flumgummerie: tomfoolery
gloamin: dusk
spurtle: porridge stick
veesit: visit
wabbit: exhausted

A braw pennie: A large sum of money

The ploomen hae lowsed an the day's darg is ower,

An hame comes the hauflin as hungry as fower;

Weel wabbit is he, but he's young an he's cheery

An, ance he has suppit, forgets that he's weary.

The yett swings ahint him, he's oot again roamin,

An walks doon the glen in the quate o the gloamin.

frae "The Hauflin" - W D Cocker

COMPLETE POEMS

Ma First Bawbee
by Archibald McKay

half-penny from 1771

Click here to listen to this in Real Audio read by Peter D Wright

A hail bawbee mine and aw tae mysel
Wi joy I’m like chowking if truth I maun tell
How best I micht spend it I cannae richt say
I’m fair in a muddle tae ken what tae dae
Where tae gang tae get value is the question for solving
For nearly an oor ma brains were revolving
Ma Mither advised me, “ Billy” says she
“Tak heed what ye buy wi your first bawbee”
I thoucht aince o saving it til I got mair
An then I micht buy a cairrage an pair
Or a fine sailing yacht tae sail on the sea
There’s lots I micht buy if I saved ma bawbee
But I thoucht aince mair it wad tak such a pile
Tae save up sic siller it wid need sic a while
Tae buy a fine yacht tae sail on the sea
I’d need mair tae start than a single bawbee
Before yed sae winkie I cam tae a shop
The sichts o the windae ma hert filled wi hope
There were sweeties o aw kind and oranges, o my
A thousand and ane things a bawbee could buy
There was sweetie pipe, sweetie rock and polisman’s calls
So here it was plain tae see,
Here best I could spend ma first bawbee
Sae intae the shoppie I made a beeline
Tae buy some burnt candy I’d made up ma mind
But jist at this minute, o the thocht maks me greet
It, it slipped frae ma haun an it fell on the street
It rintled an trintled till it cam tae the gutter
An then, ere a wird frae ma lip I could utter
It fell doun a cunny in front o ma ee
An that was the last o ma first bawbee

Note: A bawbee was a half-penny coin. Written by Kilmarnock poet Archibald McKay (1801-1883). This is a transcription by Robin Hallam of a recitation by “Reid Lichtie” Edythe J.R. Robb from memory in her 81st year in Wolfville, Nova Scotia, 8 October 1984. The Flag's thanks to Robin Hallum for sending in poem.

See Scots Language in our Features Section
for other poems, stories, songs, sayings, jokes and words in the Scots language

SCOT WIT

Enjoy a Scottish Joke every week and listen to it as well

The Crowning Infamy

Andrew was a farmer of the old school with a grievance. His invariable topic was the iniquities and morals - or lack of them - of the young women farm servants brought in for short periods each year to assist during the harvest. He was unburdening himself to the laird :

"They winna wark" he said, " They winna dae whit they're bidden. They gang ti dances ilka ither nicht. They come hame at aw oors, sometimes na owre sober. Ay, an A ken fine they whiles bring lads hame wi them."

Pausing for breath before the final thrust :

"Bit waur nor aw that - they're impident ti me !"

Click here to listen to this joke

Read and listen to Jokes in our Scot Wit section